Bane of My Exsistance
by TheRabidWriter
Summary: "Do you not understand? Good food and balanced prices are powerful agents to this establishment." What happens when you mix Bane, leader of destruction, desolation, and pain, with McDonald's? Insanity. Basically a short story I had to write for my writing class that turned into something I enjoyed writing way more than I should have and turned into this.


**A/N So for my Writing class we had to choose a person and put them in a stranger place/situation they wouldn't be used to. I chose Bane, and then this whole story fell into place. **

**Enjoy.**

**DISCLAIMER: I don't own Bane or Batman ya silly goose.**

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**Bane of My Existence**

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All I wanted was a Big Mac, and some fries. Not to be sprawled across the floor, trying to protect myself from the register that was just hurled at my head with the intention to crush my skull. I understand that working at McDonald's probably isn't the best job, but then again, why is Bane working there in the first place?

I was having a terrible day, between school and friends. By 5:30 I was exhausted, not to mention starving, and even though I am not a fan of fast food, I was craving a hamburger and some fries. Besides, I had to be at my dance studio for competition class at 6:00, so I'd be sweating off the food. So once I had my dance clothes on, and was all set, I drove down to McDonald's to buy myself some cheap and unhealthy indulgent food. Luckily for me, the Drive Thru was barren. I sat there, waiting until the familiar static clicked, and someone spoke.

"Step forward those who would like to be served," It said, which was a little odd but whatever, I was hungry.

"Uh, yeah, I'd like to order-"

"Identify yourself to the world," The voice cut me off before I could even finish speaking, and that's when I realized how funny this person sounded. Their voice was…unusual.

"Um…I'm Tina…" I replied, and raised an eyebrow as the static started again.

"And what…what is _this_?" A snort escaped my lips and I rolled my eyes.

"McDonald's. Look can we hurry this up I-"

"And who is capable of demanding an order?" He cut me off again.

"…._Me_?"

"Only you. Thank you, Tina." I sat back in my seat as the static died down again, and I stared ahead at my windshield. What was with this guy? He sounded so familiar, yet I couldn't place my finger on it. Maybe it was something I had recently watched…Wait a second! I leaned out the window again to talk.

"Are you pretending to be Bane? Ya know, big guy from Dark Knight Rises?"

"It doesn't matter who we are, what matters is our food," The Bane impersonator replied, and I obnoxiously laughed out loud.

"Uh, yeah okay," I laughed, shaking my head a little. "Can I order now?"

"The question isn't whether or not you can order, Ms. Tina," I raised an eyebrow, "But will you be ready when the time comes?" Tapping my fingers on the steering wheel, leaning on the seat I took a deep sigh.

"Yes. Yes I will once you give me a chance to speak," I huffed, leaning forward even more, "I'd like to order a number-"

"Let us not stand on ceremony, Ms. Tina," The man said, and I found myself gritting my teeth. As I tried to process what the hell that even meant, I heard my stomach rumble loudly like it was saying 'Feed me!'

"I don't know what that means, man."

"Do you not understand? Good food and balanced prices are powerful agents to this establishment. But you knew that already, didn't you Ms. Tina?" I rubbed my forehead angrily and let out a very loud groan. If I wasn't seeing red before, I was beginning to because this guy was pushing my buttons. "So easy, so simple," My hands slowly closed into fists and I hoisted myself over the window, grabbing a hold of the speaker.

"Listen Pal, I happen to be a fan of Batman and all, but the longer you keep up this stupid act, the hungrier I get. And the hungrier I get, the _angrier_ I get. So could you take my damn order already?!" I shouted into the speaker, holding each side with a hand and trying my hardest to shake it. To my surprise, there was no static click and no obnoxious voice trying to shove his preaching down my throat.

"Helllooo?!" When I got no response, I slammed my hands down on my own horn, before putting my car in drive and driving up to the window. I threw open my car door, and stood on the edge of the opening, hanging onto the car for balance. Just as I went to aggressively knock on the glass doors, I noticed that no one was there. That asshole was taking a break! "_Are you kidding me_?!" I whipped around and ferociously pulled into a parking spot, shutting my car off and jumping out. I looked ridiculous in my dance clothes, but couldn't care less at this point. "Where is that asshole on drive thru?" I yelled as I threw open the door, storming inside. A scrawny kid was standing behind the counter, looking absolutely bored. As soon as he saw me charging to the counter, his eyes opened a little more.

"What?"

"May I see the guy on drive thru?" The boys' eyes slowly widened, like the rusty wheels were turning in his head, and he looked over in the direction of the window.

"You mean the new guy?" The kid asked nervously as he pointed, and I nodded.

"Yes. The new guy. I wanna see him," My voice rose impatiently, and the kid nodded frantically, backing up and looking behind the fryer.

"Um, there's some chick who wants to talk to you…Bane," The kid called back, before putting himself as far away from the counter as possible. I blinked rapidly, did he just say…?

"Bane?!"

"Speak of the devil, and he shall appear," The giant, thick-muscled man said as he approached the counter. Attached to his face was a respirator device, a rather terrifying one at that, and his head was so bald, I swear to God I could see every vein and detail on it. I felt as though I was sitting at the movies again. He was wearing a pin on his chest that seemed miniscule compared to his broad chest. It read 'Bane'.

"Here he is," The teenager said, and Bane looked between the boy and me.

"Why are you here?" He asked. My mouth moved to reply, but no words came out. I was so stunned that I completely forgot that I was supposed to be yelling at him for not taking my order. Finally, I shut my jaw, cleared my throat, and spoke.

"I just um….I just wanna order some food," I looked around nervously, "Uh, please?" Bane simply stared me down, for a solid three minutes, and all I could hear was the faint sound of Phil Collins in the back of the store.

"So you came to die with your food?" Bane asked almost sarcastically, cocking his head, and I reeled back in shock. Oh. Is this how he wants to do it?

"Um, No. I came back to give my order and get food," I said, and felt that annoyance growing in my chest again. "So, may I?" I looked past Bane to the teenage boy, but I noticed he was gone. "Just…enter it in this and gimme my food."

"Ah yes…I was wondering what would break first, your spirit," He cracked his knuckles, folding his hands behind his back after, "Or your body."

"Say what now?" I asked, staring at him. Bane started chuckling, shaking his head and it sounded like he was going to start giving me one of those 'I'm a leader of pain and destruction, this is why life sucks #pain.' speeches, when he was interrupted.

"Is there a problem here?" I turned and saw the teenage boy returning, this time his manager was with him. "Miss?" I saw Bane eyeballing me, almost too casually, and I felt uneasy fear creep back up my spine.

"No! No, there's no problem here I-" My stomach rumbled, rather loudly, and it seemed to say 'Forget about the brute who could break your neck with his pinky finger, get your food, eat, and go to dance you stupid girl'. So I mustered up all the courage, anger, and hunger inside of me. "Actually, there _is_ a problem. Your new employee is frustratingly being ignorant to the need of the customer by refusing to take my order and his name is literally adding irony to the situation since he is _literally_ the bane of my existence right now."

"I'm sorry Ma'm, it's his first day here and obviously he isn't used to this kind of system, where someone else is in charge of him," The manager, Mr. Addams his name tag read, said as he smiled. "Bane?"

"Yes?"

"Why don't you take the nice girl's order?" Mr. Addams said, motioning to the computer.

"I'm afraid, Mr. Addams, that such an occurrence is unlikely," Bane said, removing his hands from behind his back. "You see, we take this city from the corrupt, the rich. The oppressors of generations who have kept you down with myths of opportunity, and we give it back to you."

"What are you-" Before Mr. Addams could finish, we heard a loud bang, and all jumped. Well, all except Bane. As we looked out the window, we saw the railroad on fire, blown to bits, and the buildings near it on fire.

"What the hell?!" Mr. Addams screamed and nearly fell back, being caught my Bane who simply put a hand on his shoulder. "Did _you_ do this?!"

"The powerful will be ripped from their decadent nests, and cast out into the cold world that we know and endure," Bane said calmly.

"I'm calling the police!" The teenage boy said, picking up his phone, and I found myself still staring in shock out the window at the destruction outside.

"Leave us," Bane said to the boy, who slowly looked up from dialing in fear at the brute before him.

"No, you stay Jeremy," Mr. Addams said as calmly as he could. "I'm in charge, remember?" Bane cocked his head, and turned Mr. Addams to face him.

"Do you feel in charge?" Mr. Addams was visibly shaking, "You pay me a small fortune, and that gives you power over me?"

"Y-You're evil," Mr. Addams quivered as loudly as he could, still trying to seem brave.

"I'm necessary evil," Bane said and in a second, broke his managers neck. Jeremy and I screamed bloody murder, the only difference was he was smart enough to jump the counter and run out the back door to the chaos outside. I stood still, watching as Bane dropped the body to the ground, before looking up at me.

"We both know now I must kill you," He said softly, and I blinked rapidly.

"Or I could just walk out of here…. you know," I mumbled, while my brain yelled at my legs to run away. My legs just weren't about that life at the moment. Suddenly Bane ripped the register from the counter, sparks flying off of the wires. I fell backwards, landing on my butt and looked up in horror. The music playing through the store had changed to Wrecking Ball by Miley Cyrus, and was nearing the chorus. I rolled my eyes. "Really?"

"I love this song," Bane said, before hurling the register at me. So there I was, sitting on the grimy floor of McDonald's as a piece of equipment flew towards my head, ready to crush it. It was as if it was in slow motion, the register twirling slowly in the air as I threw myself to the floor, covering my head. The register smashed the wall behind me, breaking into pieces and scattering themselves across the floor. I looked up, and let out a sigh of relief.

"You fight like a younger man, with nothing held back. Admirable, but mistaken," Bane mumbled, hopping the counter and ripping the pin from his shirt, wearing only his combat gear now. "You don't fear death, you welcome it. Your punishment must be more severe."

"I'm a girl actually and I don't welcome death! In fact, I'm not even trying to fight you anymore! I just want to leave!" I screamed and scrambled to my feet, running to the farthest corner of the room. "I won't even take any food I'll go peacefully!" Another explosion echoed outside, pieces of debris flew in the air behind me.

"Behind you is a symbol of oppression," Bane said, and I looked out the window.

"That's just Roche Bro's!" I groaned loudly, "I know their prices are ridiculous but it's whatever!" Suddenly I was being hoisted in the air, my feet hovering above the floor.

"You say you trust the Batman. You have been supplied with a false idol to stop you from tearing down this corrupt city." Bane tightened his grip on my leotard straps, as my legs kicked underneath him. "We will destroy this city, and when it is in ashes," Bane nearly whispered, "Then you have my permission to die."

"_I just want a God damned hamburger_!" I screamed desperately, but it really didn't help me at all. Bane was simply dragging me towards the counter, before climbing over it and heading towards the back. "Listen Bane, you're um…you're a great leader of destruction and death and all but I never exactly meant to insult you. I just-" I stopped when I was thrust upward, Bane's right and holding the back of my hair and the other the back of my neck. And underneath me was the vat of boiling grease. I could feel the intense heat radiating from it, and immediately recoiled. "Are you _insane_?!"

"Peace has cost you your strength! Victory has defeated you!" Bane announced as he lowered me to the vat, ready to turn me into fried Tina.

"What are you even saying?!" I screamed, closing my eyes and awaiting the burning pain. But there was no burning pain. Because out of nowhere the Drive Thru window burst into pieces as a giant tank, no no not a tank, the fucking Batmobile, drove through the wall. I looked it up and down, and let out a huge sigh of relief as the top opened and Batman stepped out.

"Drop the girl, Bane," He said in his over-the-top gravelly voice.

"I broke you, and yet you come back?" Bane said, dropping me to the floor without a care. I took the opportunity to scramble away from him, and I looked at Batman.

"Where were you about five minutes ago?!" I yelled, standing up and brushing myself off, "This lunatic, for some reason only God knows, has been making my life miserable and all because I want a hamburger! Why does this warrant the destruction of town, huh? This isn't Gotham! Why are you people even here?!" As I finished my rant I was breathing quite heavily, and the two just stared at me.

"I'm Batman."

"I'm done. _I'm_ _so_ fucking _done_," I said and walked into the back of what was left of McDonald's, snatched a decent looking burger and chucking it into a bag, before adding fries with it and climbing over the counter.

"Do you accept the resignation of-"

"Shut the fuck up Bane!" I turned around to scream in his face, and stormed out, leaving the two to deal out their problems. As the town blew up to pieces all around me, and people ran through the destruction in terror, I could see Batman and Bane duking it out inside through the windows. I climbed in my car and let myself go limp in the seat.

"Thank God I don't have to deal with Bane and his stupid lessons anymore," I took out the burger, "Although I feel bad that the town is going to shit now…" My stomach purred in anticipation, and as I raised the glorious food to my mouth, I felt something knock the food out of my hand, sending it to the ground. The next thing I knew, I was facing the passenger seat with my head in a strong grip and a knife in my mouth, staring at a white painted face wearing a red gas glow smile, my new assailant laughing like a lunatic.

"Wanna know how I got these scars?" He asked, licking said scars in a messy way before laughing. Needless to say, I started crying.

Mainly because my burger and fries were on the floor.

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**Like it? Hate it? Criticism? R/R Please.**


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